Dehydrated decision

Ok so over one week i've managed to reduce my required essays from 12000 words to a measly 1500, but since its a boring story involving my laptop, busy afternoons, a speed metal/ prog rock band called dragonforce and for some reason eating my way through half a roll of kitchen paper, i shall spare you it.
Instead i'll share my latest concern, the story arises from my recent drought of beer (a beer famine) as the benefits of having 2 pints a night are outweighed by the ruining of the rest of the evening and the gaining of a beer belly.
So now beer is on the decrease (although i am drinking a can whilst typing this) what do i drink instead.
1.Coke, a nice tasty beverage which makes a good evening drink, however every time i drink it i seem to bereminded of the already poor state of affairs my teeth are in(no dentist in 4 years and a 4m fall onto concrete) and since i dont particulary want them to fall out ( and the pub doesnt stock diet or no sugar brands) i can't really be drinking 2 pints of it an evening.
2. Coffee, my other addicition, as much as i've tried i can't not drink coffee, even though it gives my migraines. Due to the stress this week coffee consumtion has increased with on average 5 cups a day, although i think i'm entering a vicious circle with my already small sleeping pattern of 7 hours getting shorter and thus i need more caffine in the morning. It took 3 cups to get me going this morning and then i only did 1 hours work and now its 6.30pm i'm finally awake. Therefore if i want to avoid becoming my brother ( a terminal lazy bastard/ vampire goth) i cant replace beer with coffee.
3. Tea, i have no teabags except fancy crap tasting anti hangover ones.
4. Water, i think although the healthiest option i might commit suicide if forced to drink unflavoured water for any other reason than to rehydrate after being drunk.

So whats the answer then, suprisingly enough red wine
the benfits of it are that it is'nt full of rubbish, is relativly cheap,two glasses a day is good for the heart, i have some tolerance to getting drunk on it (although i do remember a night where it started the downfall to a broken wrist) and finally with my current reading of war and peace (i'm at page 190 and by god those french are sneaky)and my fancy new clothes it makes me look very classy (or dapper some might say).
Well tonight should prove the deciding value as i'm heading to Harvs belated birthday meal and plan to forgo the beer and have a house red. I'm sure however that come tomorrow due to red wine causing hangover reasons i'll be forced to conced that beer is best.

Finally this video almost killed sion through laughing so hard:
Reptile attack